Ever Growing Ever Changing

Let’s talk turning 40. Let’s talk about about the aches, greying hair, the uncertainty of where you now fit in, and the sudden discovery that being called “pretty girl” has made way for “big ooman” for those of us who are Jamaican.

The grey invading my hairline was the first sign that something was amiss. Somewhere in my extended family DNA is the “curse” of premature greying. My mother didn’t even start going grey until around 65 or so, yet here I was. Then getting called “big ooman” by Jamaican men was the rudest awakening.  I used to be “pretty girl”, “pretty lady” or “Empress”. Those titles have now become increasingly rare.

The last episode of “big ooman” caused an existential crisis of sorts. It made me realise that maybe I still had some unresolved issues around embracing my forties. It’s not so much that I am averse to aging, although, I could do without the stealthy mass of grey hair. I think the problem is that getting to 40 somehow caught me off guard before I had time to develop a game plan and decide my expectations. I am a planner by nature. Turning 40 snuck up on me, a rude awakening that left me questioning everything from my interaction with others to my wardrobe and life plan.

It’s hard to explain it. I don’t know if any of you have felt this way. I love the wisdom that has come from my experience and the experiences of others I have been able to witness. I wouldn’t change that, but there is a bit of unease that comes from the transitional age that 40 is, for women especially. Forty seems…momentous. It’s like it takes a while to find your footing. It just seems there should be a manual or something. It’s not always clear what to expect.

I think I began to struggle slightly with possible societal expectations of me at this age. Normally societal expectations are not a big concern for me, but without a manual for age 40, I think I needed something to help me figure all this out. What do younger people now expect of me in how I engage them? Am I now seen as an “old fogey” to them? How does society at large see me, not quite young, not quite old? How do I dress? What will my life look like going forward? How will my body change? What is expected of me at work now that I am considered a senior colleague?

What I am learning though is that there is no single way to be forty. Perhaps the only true blueprint is how we feel about ourselves and what our personal values are. In other words, perhaps the answer to the question of what age forty is like is this: whatever you want it to be.

If I had to suggest a few ways to be beautifully and unapologetically 40,  from what I’ve been learning, it would be this:

1. Continue to seize opportunities for learning and growth. Growth is a lifelong process;
2. Ramp up your pursuit of the things you find most meaningful and beautiful;
3. Use your experiences thus far to positively impact your community;
4. Take the time to enjoy the people in your life, especially your parents;
5. Be more assertive about your expectations, your desires, and your values;
6. Take care of your body. It’s probably time to eat better and exercise more; and
7. Do not let the opinions of others drown out your own understanding of who you are, including your values, interests, preferences, and worldview.

In summary, 40 just means we are moving into a new season, one which provides an opportunity for reinvention, new experiences, growth, and maturity. It is worth embracing with all the gusto that you can muster.

Now, let’s hear it! How are you surviving the weird and wonderful world of your forties? Share your hilarious stories and wisdom for me below.