Ever Growing Ever Changing

Why are we so afraid of starting over? We often have a crippling fear of starting anew in our careers, relationships, and quest towards financial stability, among others. In fact, most of us are terrified of losing a job or moving on from one we hate. We remain in abusive or otherwise dysfunctional  relationships. We obsess about future financial setbacks. We dread uprooting our lives to move to a new country for new opportunities, or even to move back to our own after several years abroad. There are countless examples.

A few psychological factors might explain this fear. Human beings have an inherent fear of change. We like the familiar because oftentimes our identity or sense of self is wrapped up in the particular condition we find ourselves in. Associated with this is a fear of the future, because we cannot be sure that life will ever get better. “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”, right?

We  might also just be exhausted emotionally, and even physically. Who wants to walk away from a relationship after spending years building it? Who would even contemplate an entry level job in an entirely new field after a decade progressing along a particular career path? Starting from scratch requires years of building before being able to enjoy the fruits of your labour and there is no guarantee.

Furthermore, the comparison trap might be a factor. Starting over certainly means you will no longer be in line with your peers. We are all aware of those society-imposed timelines regarding achievements: a degree by 20; a stable job by 25; a husband by 26; and a baby before 30, or something like that. I never truly cared enough to pay attention.  Of course, you have to add a mansion and a car into the mix somewhere also. Ageism and the pressure to achieve certain milestones by specific timelines can make starting over seem daunting. Yet, history is filled with individuals who have achieved remarkable things at any age.

Then, there is always the small matter of what people might say. In collectivist societies like ours in the Caribbean, people have an inordinate amount of time to invest in the happenings of other people’s lives, to put it mildly.  So you may wonder, “What will  Aunt Julie or my neighbour Patrick think about my break-up? How soon is it before the entire community knows all the details?

Finally, perhaps our resistance to change stems from a deeper belief in our own inadequacy. We may doubt our ability to find a better job, a healthier relationship, or financial stability. We fear we might not be those who go through the fire and re-emerge as pure gold.

But has it occurred to you that starting over could be a time of rebirth, a chance to redefine ourselves and our goals? And what if our future isn’t solely dependent on our own efforts? Perhaps God is in fact orchestrating the events of your life,  and your perceived failures are but opportunities to realign with His divine plan. After all, Proverbs 3:5 reminds us to trust in the Lord rather than our own understanding.

If you took the wrong path in the forest, would you turn back once you realised that you were lost? I suspect you would retrace your steps and start again on the right path because there is no point in continuing on a path that leads to nowhere. That’s a lot like life because sometimes, we need to start over to find our way.