Ever Growing Ever Changing

My neighbour died recently. Well, she was my childhood neighbour, and she was around my age.

Her father lived beside us and she would come stay with him every so often. She sort of bounced between the home of her mom and her dad. Anyway, after a while I moved out of the village, and she did too. We would see each other occasionally, but the signs of her hardship were etched in her body, clothing, and mannerisms. She’d been used and she’d used others. Her childhood trauma seemed to have consumed her.

It breaks my heart who she became. Life can be cruel. I thought of how we grew up side- by-side and played together as children. Those were innocent carefree days of childhood when I thought all children lived the same lives. What I never realised was how different our lives in fact were and how they would continue to diverge dramatically as we got older. I became a Christian, got a great education, pursued a satisfying career, and built a fulfilling life. She navigated promiscuity, poverty, and complicated relationships, eventually lost or relinquished custody of her children, and died young, supposedly from AIDS.

Following her death, I mourned her, but I also mourned what she might have been. Why was her path so different from mine although we grew up in the same space? Why hadn’t her parents championed her potential like mine had? Why hadn’t they strived to keep her clothed and comfortable so she wouldn’t feel compelled to sell her body and her affection? Why do some people not seem to have a chance at a happy life, their entire existence seemingly conditioned from birth? I was left with sorrow and too many questions.

Somewhere in my grief and despair God reminded me that he loves all his children and that He has a purpose for each one. Life inevitably brings trauma of some kind and none of us is immune to it. Yet, God remains “a father to the fatherless”. The truth is I’m not entirely sure how any of that relates to my deceased neighbour’s specific journey and whether her life hid joys I could not see. Perhaps God was helping her to heal in ways I could not comprehend. I certainly hope so.

What I am reminded of though is that everyone of us has inherent value, unique skills and undeniable talent despite our upbringing or current circumstances. Some of us get a head start and should be grateful for this. Others need to overcome more obstacles in this race of life. We simply have to play the hand we are dealt and, despite the hardships, build the lives we want. No one will do it for us. You are more than your trauma. Do not allow it to steal your purpose.

Rest in Peace, K.