Ever Growing Ever Changing

Everyone has an opinion.  Few really matter.

Why do we become so emotionally invested in the opinions of others, especially the negative opinions? Human nature seems to dictate that if someone aims a negative comment at us, we get upset and defensive and start doubting ourselves.

Think about it. It could be a partner who thinks you are no longer attractive, a boss who deems your contribution useless, or a social circle that labels you a misfit. It seems such negative opinions often hurt the most when they tap into our own insecurities.  We then begin to believe the lies others tell us about ourselves.

For most of my life, the opinions of others mattered far too much. This isn’t unique: it’s the classic craving for external validation, especially when we’re young. While I normally did not change my core self to please others, I definitely wasted too much mental space on what they thought of me. Somewhere in my late twenties, however, my mindset started to shift. A powerful quote from motivational speaker Les Brown certainly cemented the new mindset: “‎someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality”.

What are opinions after all? They are mere judgements passed by others on the basis of their own limited experiences and unique perspectives, and even their emotional state at the time. They are inherently subjective and not necessarily based on objective reality.

So, an elderly relative who lived in a small town all her life might warn you that moving to a city or abroad is too dangerous. A segment of society might take pains to remind you that people who look like you, speak like you, or come from the place you come from have less value. Most times, people are simply projecting their own biases, fears, limitations, or expectations onto you, with little regard for the fundamental truth that God has infused every single one of us with value and a specific purpose.

I truly started to live when I freed myself from the weight of other people’s opinions about my relationship status, my financial decisions, my unconventional interests, and even my reserved personality. Having clarity on what mattered to me, that is, my core values, my passions, what made me feel whole, and my non-negotiables, was key. That clarity became a powerful filter. It allowed me to view opinions as one way of viewing the world that was not necessarily relevant to my journey. It allowed me to graduate from being defined by others’ subjective evaluations to determining for myself what part of those opinions could be useful or truthful and what parts were simply noise to be discarded.  Getting rid of the mental noise made decision-making simpler.

While constructive criticism can help us grow, external validation should never be our compass. In this life, you have to be clear on who you are and what you value.

If you do not know who you are, I promise you that others will happily decide that for you.